I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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