I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
