his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
