We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
