i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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