if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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