I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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