Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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