you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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