you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
