Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
