apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
