All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
