This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
