I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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