Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I touched a dick in church today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
