we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
do herpes really smell.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
