Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
