Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
