man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
