Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
