Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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