these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
