Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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