Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
