She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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