I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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