Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
