Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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