she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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