i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
