shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
