I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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