Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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