so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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