It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
