my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
