96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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