I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
