i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
