I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
