Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
