He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
