You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
