How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
