I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
