My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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