i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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