my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
