I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
