***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
