My nipple is on Facebook.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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