your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
